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  • Ikuko

Re-kindling romance

According to Harville Hendrix, in his book, “Getting the love you want” (Hendrix, 1993), by telling each other what you want your partner to do for you, you can re-establish a sense of comfort and safety in your partner and your relationship by tapping into the old brain which has a memory of being nurtured. This connects the past feeling with the current experience. For example, you can ask for flowers once in a while, ask them to cook you your favourite meal, give you a shoulder massage, surprise you with a theatre tickets, pay a compliment on your appearance etc. Commit to giving them freely as “gifts”. Don’t keep tabs on who has given what to whom and when. Give because you know they like it and you care about them. The partner who is receiving must receive graciously, don’t judge or criticise yourself, your partner or what you get. Give everyday and see how different you both feel at the end of the week.

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